In light of my recent financial troubles, my parents have made it abundantly clear that I am "throwing away my life" working at Walmart. Okay, now don't get me wrong, Walmart is not a career path.........at least not for me. But it's paying me something at least.
Once again I find myself caught in a situation I don't know how to work through. They have begged me to apply for a teaching position for the fall, which I grudgingly have done. I don't know if I stand any chance of getting hired, but to be honest I don't really care. I have at least a year before I can go to medical school, assuming that is still something I'm able to achieve with all that has transpired. I'm tired of being driven like a donkey by their constant nagging. They don't believe in me, I already know that. They don't think I'm capable of becoming a doctor, I know that too. I think they honestly believe that I'm going to go back to teaching and be so in love with it, I'm just going to forget about what I really want. No matter that I already know that won't happen. No matter that I will be completely miserable the rest of my life. No matter that I'd rather drive off the interstate at 100 mph..........it just doesn't matter, at least not to them. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed teaching. I love children, so teaching was a lot of fun, but I know that's not what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life. And each moment I'm held back from what I know I'm supposed to do is like an eternity. I feel unfulfilled.
I wish I could help them understand, but I can't. I wish I could make them believe in me, but I can't do that either. I wish I had the guts to tell them off, rather than allowing them to brow beat me into submission, but alas I'm gutless too. So now I sit and ask God and myself.........."What am I to do?"
1 comment:
I fell upon your blog when I googled "perfectly and wonderfully made" -- searching for the scripture reference.
You're blog was the first siting on the list for this search.
I came up to something you had written in 2008 re: Psalms....
The I was interested to read your profile..... you are premed. love children... wanna work in an orphange in Africa.... WOW . Get this, I'm a 40 yo wife & mother of 3. We live on the island of Dominica, where I am attending Ross Univ. First semester of Medical School. I'm someone who will be a doctor in an orphange somewhere also......... for at least some of the time. Love children.
Here's the thing...... after reading your last post re: working at Walmart and your folks pushing into doing what THEY think is best for you............. I knew I had to write you. Like divine appointment or something. Very few ppl (of which none were my family or inlaws) supported me in my decision to become a doctor. AND especially to move to a foreign country to start it.
Fortunately, my husband is 100% behind me and has been for the last 10 years when I first received my calling from God to become a physician. He believed me from the get-go and has cheered me on all the way. In fact, he gave up his job & became househusband-fulltime caregiver to our 3 kids.
OK........ my point to you....... in your heart of hearts, if you know your are called to be a physician --- then you gotta do it. No matter what. It doesn't matter if NO one else believes you can do it. You are GOD's child first and foremost. He doesn't consult with your parents... you are 32-33 and He is your Guide.
I would encourage you to pray for some clear signs from God that He is also wanting this for you. I will pray for this for you as well.
Keep the faith and ultimately/only rely on HIS call. It is the ONLY one that matters........ AND your parents may never understand that. (for which I'll pray also)
God bless you.
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